A Clever Response

… in which Xander turns the tables on me as I try to beat him at teasing banter. As a good dom should.

I love a good round of witty teasing banter, sparring with puns, and clever double-entendres. It’s hot! But because in this arena I can beat Xander, I have to be a bit careful. I do love my man, after all, and no one enjoys being shown up. And in the heat of a good banter, I have to pay attention not to cross the line between funny and no-longer-funny just because I can’t resist this joke that just fits too well…

So last Sunday morning, I sassed Xander with a few quick-witted replies in what I thought was good-natured fun. He didn’t even engage. In that relaxed tone that says “I’m in charge and I know it,” he simply said, “You do remember I can extract revenge for that now?” I opened my mouth for a really good comeback – and then I realised what he’d just said, and I closed it again. I may be sassy, but I’m not daft, and he’s spanking hard these days. Also, he doesn’t usually talk much about spanking or threaten them much, so I was feeling like I was treading on very thin ice. So I refrained from saying the first thing that came to my mind. And the second. And the third.

Goldfish breathing
Open, close, open, close, open, close, and no sound comes out…

When I was done with my goldfish imitation, I carefully said, “You wouldn’t be that cheap… would you?” He grinned and replied, “Oh but I will. And it won’t even cost me a thing. But it’ll cost you.” After a pause, he added: “Tell me, what do you think it’ll cost you?” I thought for a minute and then mumbled, “My pride and some of my dignity, I guess,” and then I got quickly busy with something incredibly urgent and important in the kitchen.

I really wasn’t sure how I felt about what had just happened. I crave his dominance, and I do want to please and not hurt or annoy him. But I do love our teasing! Had I really been out of line with this? Was this something he felt a bit sensitive about, and I hadn’t known? Or was this a general, “don’t get sassy at all” thing now? I thought we were having fun! Or were we still, and he was just having a bit of fun with me now?

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. When we went to bed Sunday night, I asked him outright if I’d overstepped that morning or hurt him. He said no and told me not to worry, so I didn’t. Have I mentioned how much I love this part of our relationship, when he tells me not to worry, and I can actually let it go, just because he said so? Best. Thing. Ever! So, I snuggled up to him and went to sleep.

Now, Monday morning maintenance tends to be thorough, because due to the lack of a morning routine, we often miss it on the weekends. And since a solid spanking tends to put me in a good frame of mind, and Xander likes to make sure I’ve got a good start to the week, he delivers. And that Monday morning, he definitely delivered. It took me a good long while that day to arrive at the “true surrender” point when I got all floppy and heavy on his lap when I accept that the spanking ends when he says so and not a moment before. I was so glad when he finally, finally decided I’d had enough! He rubbed my hot backside for a bit and then he said, “And now we’ll deal with yesterday’s sass.”

silicone spatula
The “black beast”, a “Scullery” brand silicone spatula from the kitchen aisle. And a box of Skittles. Because they’re sweet.

Yikes! On top of THAT??? It was a good thing the submission hormones had already kicked in, or I would have jumped straight off his lap! I tried to remember stuff like “I wanted this” and “it’s only pain” and “it only feels like forever” and tried to steel myself for what came next without tensing my body again.
I felt him hold the implement to my backside, like he often does before he deals me those particularly hard single smacks. Next came that scary feeling of nothing as he pulled back, and then – a soft, soft pat on each cheek. I never thought the “black beast” could kiss as well as hit, but apparently, I was dead wrong. Lucky me!

My first ending to this post was “And in retrospect, I’d say he won that round of banter – unfair and square. And I love it that way.” But now it isn’t how this ends. Because after I read this to him last night, he said, “So, is that what happened? You still don’t get it, do you?” And this morning it finally dawned on me just how long a game he plays and how hard I lost this round, and that he actually won this fair and square. Darn his domly poker face!

And I still love it that way.

Standing Taller

A change in our dynamic has
changed my body posture for the better.

Meerkat standing tall
Taller, like this?

A few days ago was the last day of my “trial month” as Xander’s “little slave girl”. This trial run of a deeper dynamic has brought us such positive changes, we both wanted to keep things this way.  I let him know how  very important it was for to me to mark the change from ‘trial’ to ‘for real’, and he replied: “Well, we’ll have to have a ‘little slave girl’ ceremony, then.” However, as the evening of that day came around, we were both too tired for anything resembling a ceremony.  But as I was lying snuggled up to him, we talked for a while about the way forward and committed to it with him as my “Master” and me his little “slave girl”. I know we will mark the new state of things with a celebration or ceremony when we can, but emotionally, with a few simple words and a hug, the transition from trial – play? – to fact was done. It strikes me this isn’t unlike a wedding, where the the vows and signing of the documents – the formal acts that signify the partners’ intention to merge their two lives together for all times – are only a short and partly prosaic part of the whole ceremony.

So what has changed? At first glance, nothing – just like when we first were married after having lived and loved together for more than a year. But just after a few days, the ground has shifted noticeably between us. I have begun to see myself differently. I feel I’m truly “his” now and no longer feel the need to hold back anything of myself. I can trust more and more that he’ll tell me what he does or doesn’t like. And Xander has been leading with more self-assurance in my immediate and complete obedience.

I must have been 12 or 13 years old when a schoolmate’s mum commented on my hunched shoulders and that I was “burdened with too much responsibility”. I also remember thinking, in the peevish way of teenagers who don’t have anyone to confide in, “Really? Ya think? And what do you want me to do with that insight, lady?” Today, I don’t even remember who she was, but I’m going to send out my thanks to her for her astuteness and for speaking up, because today, I’m sure she was onto something. With the Master / slave girl between Xander and me, all responsibility now ultimately rests on his capable shoulders and is off mine. 

And, much to my surprise, my physical default posture has changed: I am standing taller and my body doesn’t want to slouch, even when I’m tired. For as long as I can remember, my shoulders have been a bit hunched. It’s gotten a bit better since I’ve been rowing for exercise, but Xander would still sometimes admonish me to keep upright. I didn’t like my slouching either, and I’d try, but the moment I stopped paying attention to it, my body would just go back to hunching over.

Geisha kneeling By Japanexperterna - [1], CC BY-SA 3.0, https-::commons.wikimedia.org:w:index.php?curid=33219775
Geisha sitting in seiza

I am delighted every time I notice it: When I do the dishes, the kitchen sink feels and looks just a tiny bit further away. It’s a bit easier to chop veggies with my chef’s knife as the height of the countertop feels a bit more ergonomic. I even had to adjust the rear-view mirrors in the car. And as I am writing this, my shoulders are relaxed where they should, and I’m sitting and typing with ease.

In short, I feel more beautiful, more graceful, more aligned with who I am, deep inside. If there is such a thing as an “authentic self”, then I definitely feel I’m closer to living it now, day to day, and my body tells me as much.

Picture credits:
Meerkat: Public Domain
Geisha sitting in seiza: Japanexperterna – [1], CC BY-SA 3.0, https-::commons.wikimedia.org:w:index.php?curid=33219775